Good evening my lovely readers and Happy Monday! Let’s motivate ourselves this week by diving headfirst into the next step of Social Media detoxing; ‘Accepting that you cannot control everything’. That is one of the most hardest concepts to accept, accepting that we can’t control everything, and I use the word control in a manner not like controlling a person, but rather our environment. We cannot control the words or actions of another being, but we can learn how to deal with behaviours. Alas, fear not as we are all in this together and we are all continuously learning each and every day about our surroundings. I do apologise for the gap in releasing the next issue of the series. I’ve got quite a bit on at the moment, which I will talk about another time! For now, let’s get stuck in…
Accepting that you cannot control everything
After a couple of months being social media free, I noticed a lot of benefits physically, mentally and spiritually. My mind was a lot freer and less intoxicated by the negativity of the world and my mood in general was better than ever. I had a lot more motivation in going to and enjoying the gym, I was a lot more productive in work, I had a bit more peace about praying and my anxieties had gone from every little thing being a trigger, to rarely feeling so much as a twinge in my chest! Let me just say that I am not entirely blaming social media for all my stresses, but it was and sometimes still can be the highest offender when it comes to setting off my triggers.
Having a mind that was more relaxed and at ease gave me the opportunity to reflect on life and recognise the areas on which I needed to improve. The mental fog cleared quicker than I had imagined, and things became much clearer as to why something would affect my mood. Not wasting time scrolling through people’s unnecessary updates about their life drama allowed me to see what was important and what wasn’t even worth a second thought. I could identify the things that triggered my anxieties and quickly learned how to remove them from the equation. I had time to think. I had time to see. I had time to live. The world became 3D around me, technicolour and first-hand experience instead of the flatscreen universe I had previously been consumed by.
Being in this mindset of real life and not the fictitious timelines of your everyday Kim Kardashian wannabe, allowed me the space I needed to accept and realise that I simply cannot control everything. Realising and accepting that we cannot control everything is one of the best revelations we can have in our lives. If someone is going to judge you, criticise you, speak badly of you that is their business and their issue to deal with. It is out of your control. If your boss decides to shut up shop and close the business down, change their minds numerous times until unfortunately there is no other option, that is their decision. Guess what? It’s out of your control. If a close family member gets sick and is taken into hospital, if the weather man gives the wrong information, if a Mean Girl shows up on Wednesday wearing yellow instead of pink, if an earthquake shakes your world, no matter what that earthquake might be, hear me when I say: IT IS OUT OF YOUR CONTROL.
If you’re like me, the initial realisation of this can kind of mess with your brain and freak you completely out! But please, take a few minutes, deep breaths and think logically. Of course, not everything is in your control! You are one person, one human, one life in a sea of billions of possibilities. Instead of fearing these possibilities, take delight in them and know that there is one thing you can control, your reaction. How are you going to deal with your situation? How are you going to approach moving forward from an abusive relationship? How are you going to survive financially? Are you going to lie down and let the world go by, or are you going to stand up face yourself in the mirror and a bit like Barney Stinson; be awesome instead?! That choice, that potential outcome is your choice.
Accepting that you cannot control everything frees up so much more mind space and allows you to consider your options. It gives you a chance to listen and hear what is being said rather than trail off into pandemonium in your mind. Accepting that you cannot control everything is one of the most liberating revelations you will ever experience.
While I am far from a control freak, having anxieties I find is partly because things are out of our control naturally and we exasperate ourselves with the idea of unlikely things happening just because we know, there is nothing we can do about it should it occur. Having this realisation become clear to me also made my life a heck of a lot easier. Thankfully, I am still growing and continuing to learn about myself, dealing with my anxieties head-on, and I find that Social Media detoxing is something I do a lot more regularly to keep things at a level ground. As the saying goes, everything in moderation. When I eventually came back to Social Media, I came back with a purpose that was not only something I wanted to do, but something I could do to give and support others. I came back to support and help my church grow their platforms. I also came back with something I am passionate about and want to pursue more and more in the coming years. I was encouraged to share my positive mindset with the world through my writing and that is how Illuminare came about.
My challenge for you all this week is to make a list of things that give you anxiety or you have worries about. Then, I want you to consider the options you have around them and come to a realisation that some of the outcomes are out of your control. For example, going for a job interview might give you a hint of anxiety, not knowing how it will go or if you will be liked enough to get the job. The options around that are to either allow your anxiety to completely overrule you OR… you can go into that interview and just be yourself. Act as though they need you rather than you need them. Once the interview is over, reflect on it, think about it, consider if you would even like to role yourself and then let it go… You cannot control what happens next, you cannot control the decisions made by the panel of interviewers, all you can do, is accept that it happened, appreciate the experience, and move on…
So with that in mind, consider your week ahead and make it your business to identify things that you cannot control and allow the peace and serenity of that feeling of release to soothe you through the motions! Let me know how you get on, I would love to hear from you guys.
Peace and all the love, Illuminare x